i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
