Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she told me i tasted like america
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
