I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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