are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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