I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
