A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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