no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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