Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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