Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I will die if light touches me.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
