Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
