you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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