Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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