Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
