Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
