I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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