This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
