RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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