I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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