im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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