i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
3pm strippers are depressing
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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