I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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