ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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