Soap is not a condiment
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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