if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Boobs speak an international language.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
