The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
