Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
