I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
