By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
