4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
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All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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