turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize