remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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