Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
