Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
