I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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