i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
