Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
