i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
