So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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