is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you traded sex for a burrito?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
