fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
