also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
