You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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