life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your cock deserves a montage
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
