No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
