I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
