The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
