i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
