Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
