drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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