Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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