shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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