Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
