You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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