Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Floor bacon is actually really good
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
