I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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