i think my tv is drunk
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize