I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
