dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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