how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
