The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
