What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
