I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize