How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
