Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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