He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
