i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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