I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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