I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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